Fear #2

I am working on a future story centered on one of our deepest-seeded emotions. That being fear. Fear can take on many forms and can disrupt lives. My utmost fear is losing my mother. This feeling churns in the wake of recently losing my father while my mom is struggling with her health and well-being. Her spirit fights on while my fear deepens.

This will be a fear intro as I work on my notes and a story of me taking on another fear (gravity-bungee jumping) and smashing it.

There was a large smile on my face as two of the books I am referencing on fear had a tarantula on the cover. A fear for most, I love tarantulas and often pick them up or let them wander their merry way once they meander from my hand to regions beyond. They are possibly the most docile creatures in the desert once they are done with their defensive stance and reach the mellow zone.

Does that photo make your heart pound?

On this night, before I tackle the next fright on my list, aquaphobia, the fear of water. I have packed goggles, a swim board, a swimsuit, a swim cap, ear plugs, a snorkel (just in case), low blood sugar items (I have type 1 diabetes), and a couple of extra pairs of goggles. Obviously, none of them have been tested. Snorkeling with leaky goggles has not created a strong bond between me and H2O.

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I with 6-less pairs of goggles than in the photo above.

It is the morning of splashing and, hopefully, no puking. That is within my short memory bank of thoughts on swimming. I steeled myself last night with an excellent audiobook on fear, ‘Mastering Fear’ by Brandon Webb. One of his examples is his friend, Kamal, who has the same aqua gene I possess. “Fear is not your enemy. It is your ally”.

I do not want fear to hold me back. I need to swim because it is important for me to live and to live fully.

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I am looking toward supplanting those memories with breathing in then out with strokes moving me forward. Moving forward in life.

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The first lesson of the Saddlebrooke Swim Club’s “Let’s Swim” clinic (this is their 17th year for the clinic) went surprisingly well, with a few coughing spells and some uneasiness in the liquid environment. I stationed myself against the north end of the pool, a mere arm's length from the wall. The advice of relax, slow down and stop thrashing at the water with my legs rummaged through one side of my brain while the other side devoted itself to the fear element.

Terry, the incredible deck coach working in the newbie corner of the pool, poses for my blog photo. what lesson do we learn synchronized swimming?

On day 2 we navigated through more challenges and my gasping and confidence rose to the surface. I still was happy with being in a pool (it had only been 50 years) and took a small note of satisfaction that my gear was making me dream more significant than I was capable of living.

Our third class unveiled a person who was feeling physically unwell and did not have a mental stronghold to see me have a good day in the pool. I reluctantly stayed home and likely shopped for ‘better’ gear.

The most recent plunge was a success as I felt better and had enough mental force to anticipate a good day, plus much of the day was on our backs. I can rock that stroke.